Mataba,. maitim,. Mataba,. masayahin,. mataba,. matangkad,. mataba,.

Those are the characteristics that I have back when I was in High School and Elementary,. kilala niyo ako kapag alam niyo yang mga katangiang yan,.

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There are lots of things, reasons and persons that made me do it,.

Lots of people has been asking me this question?,.”What is your secret?,.”

Actually, the right question should be “Why did you do it?,.”

My parents don’t want this, but I want it,. It has and always been my dream,. Getting teased at,. Annoyed by people whom I didn’t even know,. And then judged easily,. This curse and nightmare has been going on since my elementary days, but today… everything has changed!,. I don’t know why i did this,. it just happened,. It first happened way back in my first semester on College, i told myself, “Something has to changed!” And what a change it was! My clothes are all extra large,. Now its all medium,. My old clothes doesn’t fit back then but now it has,. i also can wear my brother’s shirts now,. My brother says, I looked like an addict and he is now more plump than I am,.

Back then,. I could eat 6 meals a day,. breakfast, merienda or brunch, lunch, merienda again, dinner and a midnight snack,. And take note, that those merienda are all rice (3 cup of rice to be exact) with junk foods and chocolate (3 long bars of Cloud 9 to be specific),. In every meal, I could eat 5 cups of rice, and with extra rice to top it all! i am usually the last to leave the dining table because i am eating all the foods that is in front of me,. I have a high cholesterol,. I hate vegetables back then,.

But today,. I only eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner,. I even sometimes skip some meals,. One rice only! just ONE!,. I’m the first to leave the dining table!,. i don’t eat junk foods anymore and i frequently eat chocolate nowadays,. I drink lots and lots and lots and lots of water so that when i eat, i already feel full,. hahaha!,. one of my secrets! I went to the gym to bulk up! and i always request my mother to cook vegetables everytime,. this made her happy,.

NOW!

Let me tell you the reasons why an 84 pounds little kid become a 60 pounds young man,.

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My neighbor who frequently teased me that I am gay because I have man’s boobs because I am fat back then,. Bading,. Bading,. Bading,. I usually punched him so that I could prove to him that I am not gay, but this doesn’t help,. So, I just cried and cried,. This is also the reason why I don’t go out of the house,. and also the reason why I don’t like to be teased as a gay,.

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“Laki Suso”. Those are the words that is seldom thrown at me, I hate to say this, but my crush once said this,. not just once,. not just twice,. not just thrice,. i couldn’t count them,. This words are very famous back in my elementary days,. I just ignore them,. This are the words that my so called “friends” call me,. It hurts so much,. it really is,. everytime they say it, its like my world is dying,. This is the reasons why i always wear a Polo,. and a big shirt back in my elementary and high school days,.

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They call me “Baboy”, “Bob Uy”, “Baboy”! Laging Baboy!,. Some people doesn’t know this, but it really hurts to be called as an animal,. I told them, its just fine if they call me that, but are they really that thick??? of course, i don’t want to be called that!!!!!! It really hurts,. Again, i just ignore them and also i just eat,.

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“Laki Suso”, “Bading” (because of my man’s boobs back then) and also “Baboy”,. Those words forms the 7th reason!,. I just can’t get over it,. Its really traumatic for me,. it hurts,. I just hope they read this blog so that they will know,. they are my frustrations turned into inspirations,. Thank You very much!,. You are all THICK!

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I wanted to be liked at,. to be looked at,. I wanted to feel love back then,. Masyadong mapanghusga ang mga mata ng tao noon,. Tinitingnan muna ang panlabas na kaanyuan bago ka magustuhan,. Gusto kong pumayat sapagkat gusto kong magustuhan ako ng crush ko,. Sino ba naman ang magkakagusto skin nun, eh mataba ako nun?,. But then she told me, “as if namang may magkakagusto sayo?” that broke my heart, and persuade me more to be thin,.

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ZERO. Masyado na akong mataba nun,. talagang sobrang taba ko na nun,. Alam mo ba yung feeling na walang nagkakagusto sayo?,. kasabay pa nito ang panlalait ng mga “kaibigan” ko?,. Kalakip pa ang panloloko ng mga taong hindi mo naman masyadong ka-close?,. kadikit pa nito ang pagtingin ng mga taong hindi mo naman kilala sayo?,. Tila may panunutya, at paghuhusga?,. Kasabay pa nito ang pagtawag sayo ng Baboy, Laki Suso at Bading?,. Alam mo na ba ang pakiramdam?,. kalakip pa nito ang pag-suot ng maluluwag na damit at at polo upang matakpan ang mga malalaking dibdib mo!? At ang paghusga na para kang babae dahil may dibidb ka nga?,. Alam mo na ba?,.

Nandito na ako ngayon,. pinababalik nila ako,. ngunit ayaw na ng isipan ko,. Gustohin ko man,. ay ayaw talaga!!! Patawad, kung alam lang ninyo kung ano ang naranasan ko noon,. Patawad,. Sana maintindihan niyo ako,.

Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko ito tatapusin,.

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Katamtaman ang pangangatawan,. tahimik,. matangkad,. seryoso,. gusto laging mag-isa,. medyo maputi,. katamtaman ang pangangatawan,. seryoso,. hindi masyadong pala-imik,.

Those are the characteristics that I have now,. kung kilala niyo TALAGA ako, alam niyo rin dapat yan,.

Kaya mo pa ba akong lokohin?,. Lalaitin mo pa ba ako?,. Ngayon alam mo na ang katotohanan?,. HAHAHAHA! Totoo nga ba?,. Nasa sa iyo yun,.

Habang tina-type ko ito dito sa laptop ko ay tila sumasabay ang panahon sakin,. Umiiyak,. Tahimik,. At walang ma-isip,. Gustong magalit ngunit hindi kaya,. Gusto ko ito,. tulad ng panahon ngayon na nagbabadyang magbago,.

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That “guy” is from the past,. And this guy is in the Present,. and also in the future,. I want this,. I WANT THIS!

This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.

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December 14th, 2009 by John Harvey Perez