Morbid Fate
August 19th, 2008 by ycArtI was in a bar somewhere in Timog drowning myself with beer when a guy suddenly approached me. “Hey pretty girl, can I sit on your table?” I just nodded without saying a thing. He started a conversation asking why a pretty lady like was drinking alone? I told him I just broke up with my man coz he has another girl. He pampered me and gave a tiny piece of advice. We spend the whole night talking and ended exchanging numbers before we parted ways.
The next morning, he text me. “How are you doing? Are you feeling much better now?” Days had passed and our friendly relationship gone deeper. We started to go out. Once, twice and a lot more. We always check on each other whenever we have time. Eventually we begin to act as if we are lovers. Kissing, hugging and making each others’ body into one. I always want he’s arms wrapped around me. Feel his body next to mine. Feel his heat. Yes, each time we feel like doing it. We do it, even at the backseat of his car. I feel much secured whenever I’m with him. He is my refuge. He showed me that there is still heaven in this hell of a kind world. That time the only thing that I’m sure of is that I’ve fallen for him. I want him and I’m willing to spend the rest of forever with him. He never mentions anything of what relationship we have. But he always say that he feels very different when I’m with him and he cannot imagine himself not seeing my smile for a single day. I thought those things ate enough for us to last. This weird setting lasted for almost three months. Until one day he began to act oddly, treating me very cold.
A week had passed and he didn’t check on me, not even once. I was preoccupying my mind that maybe he’s just busy with his work or just trying to surprise me. Another week, and still not a single text coming from him. Soliloquizing in confusion I was. “What’s with him? Or maybe something bad has happened to him?” On the same day I called him. (On the other line.)
“Yes?”
“Where are you? Why are you not calling me?”
“Nothing, I just need a little time alone.”
“But….”
“I’ll call you back as soon I feel much better.”
Then he hanged up. I wasn’t able to sleep the whole night thinking what’s happening to us. Is he no longer in love with me? I keep on asking myself those things. Though I don’t remember that he told me he loves me. But I missed him and even more I love him.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday……. Monday. He’s still not giving a sign that he’s coming back. I’ve made up my mind. Yes! “Maybe he wanted put the relationship but cannot find the right word to say. I must take the initiative. I should let him go.” I gathered all my strength and call him.
“Hey let’s meet.”
“Where?”
“At the park, near your place. Tomorrow, 3PM.”
“Okey. I’ll be there.”
The following day, my conscience keeps on bugging me. “There’s no turning back girl . if you really love him set him free just like the old cliché. Can you bear the pain of seeing him suffering in your arms? Of course not! Right?” – He arrived at exactly 3PM.
“Just in time.” He said casually. I answered him with teary eyed.
“You know I love you, more that words can say. But I cannot go on like this anymore. I’m setting you free; you can do now what your heart really desires.”
“Wait up.(With calmness in his face.) Are you breaking up with me? But we’re not even together. Look we’re not lovers, we’re just substitute people. You feel lonesome that time and so do I.”
A cute little girl came out on his car.
“Daddy, hurry up mom is waiting for us at home.”
Horrified I was.
“Oh my God! You are married? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t I tell you? Did you ever ask about it?”
“Dad, common!”
“Hey! Gotta go, Bye!” He said abruptly without giving me a chance to react.
I was shocked. My entire body was shaking. I was crying silently down on my knees. “I was fooled for the second time and it’s more painful than I thought it could be.”
It has been a year after our last encounter but still the pain remains the same. I’ve changed a lot. I hate seeing naive smiles. I hate seeing felicitous couple. I want them to feel for me, to grieve for me. I wanted to scream out loud in silence. It felt like I’m trapped in a limbo world and I cannot find my way back to reality. Agonizing because of my own fault. I never initiated this foolish notion. I’m not the one who made those damn promises. Now tell me. How can a rogue like him manage to sleep worry free at night? He screwed me, he got me off guard. I wish I could back to the first time we met. I hate this eerie feeling. It sucks! It tortures me and kills me slowly from within. I may look fine outside but deep inside me is a girl with a fragile heart seeking for someone to take me out of this solitude.
