Short Story by Jan Suing

Edited by Edmundo Lee

After a few devastating earthquakes all over the world that killed millions in China and Indonesia, super tsunamis that swept almost a million lives in the Oceania and East Asia, and volcanic eruptions that left more or less 2,000,000 families homeless, the most powerful man in the world today has finally announced – the earth has finally reached its deadline. We are all coming to an end. NASA has confirmed that more than a hundred moon-sized asteroids are about to hit the earth. They will start crashing one by one tonight at eleven. My Nanay and Tatay embrace; my siblings cry as the ground started rumbling again. The electricity went off. I went to my sisters to comfort them. My eyes surveyed our house and found my Lola peacefully seated on her rocking chair at the porch. I bowed for I didn’t know what to feel. It was seven o’clock in the morning.

Finally, the mild earthquake halted. My twin sisters went to my parents and hugged them. Nanay couldn’t stop wailing while Tatay caressed her hair. What else can you do when you know your life’s about to end? I went to my Lola and stood in front of her. Her eyes are fixed at the dark indigo sky. The sun isn’t there anymore.

“Lola,” I said in a soft voice, “what are you doing?”

Lola  briefly glanced at me and then returned her gaze to the sky. “I’m waiting for the star, or whatever they call it, to fall down.”

“Asteroid, Lola. How can you wait for something that will surely kill you? Aren’t you scared?”

“I haven’t seen an as… – whatever, before, my Apo. That’s why I’m so enthusiastic to see one,” she said in a calm voice. I get why she wants to see an asteroid. What I don’t understand is her calmness. We are all going to die tonight!

“Why aren’t you scared. Lola? Why aren’t you scared to die?”

“Jen!” Tay called. “Bring your Lola inside. We’ll go to the altar and pray together.”

“Let’s go, Lola.”

Tears flooded the altar as we pray. Nanay embraces my sisters while Tatay says the prayer. Lola stares at the altar emotionless while I stare at her wondering what she’s thinking. Our family is really pious. My parents brought me up as a loyal Christian. There was never a Sunday I missed the Mass. There was one time I was too lazy to hear the Mass and my father had to hit me ten times with his belt, just so I’d go with them. There was nothing I could do but to go with them with painful butt cheeks. I mean, I understand what they’re trying to tell me: You wouldn’t be saved if you’re not a believer. You will not go to heaven if you’re not a Christian. There have been times I hated being a Christian but I never told my parents. They’d think I’m insane. I hated being a Christian when I was about to enroll at a prestigious non-sectarian school to a course of my choice but my parents stopped me and made me go to a Christian school instead and enroll to a program I didn’t like. But I had no choice. My parents said it’s what they prayed for, and that God will help me be happy.

Before all these devastating things happened, I can say my parents were happy because of me, because I was following all their orders. I’m eighteen and unsure if I’m happy. I once told Mom about this ‘emptiness’ I’m feeling and she said there maybe something in life that I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m not praising God enough that’s why he’s not giving me the kind of happiness I want. After that incident, I started to increase my praying time. I spent almost half of the day in front of the altar, the other half was for studying, sleeping, eating, helping around the house and other duties. I even sacrificed my short time for hanging out with my friends.

Speaking of friends, I have a bestfriend named Joy. She’s the typical happy-go-lucky kind of girl. She dances at bars. She drinks. She occasionally smokes. She has done almost everything she wants in life at the age of nineteen. There’s only one thing she hasn’t experienced yet.

“Jen, I’m still a virgin.”

How I love Joy.

Tatay slapped my faced because he caught me giggling. I bowed and a tear rolled down my cheek. I whispered a Sorry and then he turned back to the altar. Lola caressed my face and comforted me. I stared back at the altar and listened to my father while he prayed solemnly.

We finished praying ten in the morning. Nanay went to the kitchen to cook our favorite ulam while Tatay helped her. Later would be the last lunch of our lives. My sisters were in the living room, playing, and my Lola went back to the porch to wait for the asteroids. I decided to stay with her.

“Lola.”

“Yes, Apo?”

“Can you answer my question now? Why aren’t you scared of the asteroids?”

She looked at me and gave me a pat on the head. “Why would I be scared? I’ve waited 80 years for this, Apo. And finally, He has granted my dream.”

“Who is He?”

“The Supreme Being,” Lola whispered.

“You mean, God?”

“Supreme Being, God, Allah – they are all the same, Apo. It won’t matter to him whatever you call Him. It won’t also matter if you don’t praise Him. He’s just there, watching you write your life the way you want it.”

“But that’s not what Tatay said. We have to always praise Him.”

“What kind of god would want to be praised all the time? I can’t believe in a god who wants to be praised all the time.”

Lola stunned me. “Lola! What are you saying?”

“Do you wish to know why I’m not scared of dying, my Apo? Do you wish to know my secret?”

I listened more attentively upon hearing those words. It seemed like she’s about to reveal a secret to immortality.

“Apo, you see, I’m not afraid to die because I lived.”

I drew a blank on my head, “What does that mean, Lola?”

“When I was fifteen, I used to believe that if I want to go to heaven, I’d just have to follow everything my mother says. And eveything The Bible says. So I sacrificed some of my wants because they didn’t lead me to the direction I, then, wanted to go to. But as I grew up and matured, I started to doubt the existence of heaven. I asked myself: What if there’s no heaven? What if there’s no afterlife? What if I spent my time on earth following everything that’s written on a book and sacrificing the things that make me happy and then finding out at the end the there’s really no heaven? How do you even answer such question if you’re already dead together with your neurons and all? Funny. The difference between believing in the existence of heaven and its nonexistence is that people who believe in heaven lead a “playing safe” life, while people who don’t tend to value their lives more because they know they only live once. From then on, I started living life as of the rules were obsolete, non-existent. At a certain point in my life, I became a really crazy person; but I was happy. Yes, I’ve made a lot of mistake, but haven’t we all? Happiness is a choice, Apo. And sometimes, we have to sacrifice something to be happy.”

“But what if heaven does exist? What if there is eternal life?”

“If heaven does exist, I’d still have no regrets, Apo. Because my life here on earth alone is heaven. I have no regrets because I’ve done everything I want in life. Of all the things in our life, it’s our desires we must never sacrifice. So tonight, I die with a smile. Are you happy, Apo?”

My Lola’s question struck me like a bullet. It plunged down to the depth of my heart and stopped its beating. Am I happy? Jen, are you happy?

“Apo, there’s still much time. Do what makes you happy. Come back tonight and we will die with smiles on our faces.”

Upon hearing this, I frantically ran inside the house and headed for the kitchen. I found Tatay and Nanay already preparing the food on the table. I neared to Nanay and kissed her on the cheek. And then I hugged Tatay and kissed him, too.

“Nay, Tay, I want to be happy. I slid my hand inside Tay’s pocket and pulled the car keys. I was so fast Tay was unable to stop me. I kissed both of my sisters on the cheeks and then ran to my Lola and embraced her very tightly. After whispering to her countless thank you’s, I went to the garage and started the car. Ironically, my journey started on the day the world ends.

It’s 10:30 in the morning. I still have twelve and a half hours to be happy.

This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.

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January 17th, 2010 by Jan Suing Jan Suing was the former editor-in-chief of The Lamp, the Official Student Publication of the Far Eastern University Institute of Nursing. He's a deist, a fan of Nietzsche and a movie buff. Among his favorite films are Sympathy for Lady Vengeance and Revolutionary Road. www.twitter.com/juansuing